It seems so cliche to say that i never thought my life would be where it is not but, its so very true. This current semester is strange, uncomfortable and a little terrifying. I'm about to graduate and for that, i'm happy, no more homework and studying for tests yay! no more tuition and stupid fees. no more parking. Its a great thing but it seems like i have much bigger things to worry about like what am I going to do after???
I kind of know and yet i have no idea what is going to happen come June. I honestly can say i thought i'd be married long before i had to graduate and find a job. I was going to be married, graduate, support my husband in his career and find a local job before having kids. Yeah, thats not even a option. I'm about done and cant even find a guy i like. Now i'm left to find a real job, out of state, live by myself and just be expected to make this transition smoothly and without a huge mental breakdown. Well guess what, i have a mini breakdown every time i even think about it. I DO want to find a job i like and moving out of utah sounds adventurous and grown up but, there are so many things i love here. The more i think about Utah, the more i will miss SO many things about it. What is worse is i'll be leaving all on my own with absolutely no one coming with me. This is when I would have wished i'd gone on all those dates i said no to because maybe i would have even a boyfriend to move with me. I can see it now, i move to a small place in Seattle and once i get everything situated i sit down and cry my eyes out because i'm so lonely. Yeah, i'm very scared of this happening. I WANT to move my life forward and at the same time i am dragging my feet big time. I should be getting my resume out there and making connections but instead i'm watching sabrina the teenage witch and ignoring any and all responsibility. I'm scared! I am poor, single and scared.
