I keep forgetting to pick up a notebook when i'm at the store so I feel like all the thoughts i want to write down are about to overflow into this blog.  Anyway the last 4 weeks have been some of the most stressful ever.  I dont get stressed about just about anything so feeling this way is new to me.  As you know, graduation is soon approaching ( April 22) and then begins real life.  Just the idea that everything is so up in the air is too scary for me.  I want to know for sure what i'm going to do! My big mistake was telling people what my hopes were and now they ask me all the time: when are you moving to California?  what job do you have? my boss is just planning on me being gone in may since i've been telling him that for a while but...   TRUTH I dont have any such job, i applied. that's all. I am just as likely to not get the job as I am to land it.   Also I made the mistake of telling people i was looking for a car.  now they ask when i'm getting it, ask me how much i'm going to spend and what i think is most annoying, give me financial advice without me asking for it.  Obviously if I was looking at a car, I know I can afford it and that's all you need to know.  I've definitely decided to be much more private about things like these.  I have a problem with spilling every detail about my life to anyone.  I want to be better, especially when it comes to money.  I need to learn that you don't talk about those things to everyone.  It should stay within my family and even then i don't need to tell them everything.  Life would be less stressful right now if I just kept my mouth shut.  

Maybe this stems from my problem with people, I definitely have a problem with them!!  As leaned not too long ago, I do have a bit of social anxiety.  Really though I can feel it sometimes really strong.  Most times i'm fine but every  now and again I would just like to be by myself and honestly i'm completely happy being alone.  Its not that I hate people and am a turtle that has to hide in front of people, I just prefer myself  to others more than most.  For example, if someone i'm not 100% comfortable with asks to hang out at the end of the week, all week long I think about it and plan my worry about it, sometimes i psych myself out so much I  HAVE to find an excuse to get out of it.  I have a boat load of excuses I use all the time.  

Let me tell you why I like spending time with myself though.  I on the inside have a lot of deep pulling emotions and thoughts that give me a piece of paper, will come out in poetic form.  (blogs and journals are not what im talking about).  I love myself, I love my personality, the way I look, the way I think, my humor, my strength, my weaknesses, I will never change who I am because I love myself too much.  It took a long time to get to this point and now that I am there, I want to spend more time discovering what I can do by myself with work and time.  running for example is a all me thing that helps me discover what I can do mentally and physically.  I love people, I love helping people and I love laughing and having fun with friends and feeling close to a certain guy but I also love my alone time.